Why do I have such a problem with this? I just don’t understand the big deal. I’ve heard it called “an abomination”, “sin”, “gross”, etc. But, I just don’t get it. Men in the old testament had multiple wives, and there’s not much said, biblically about the whole thing. Obviously, in the US, it’s illegal, and there are probably some pretty good reasons–it’s associated with child abuse, child marriage, forced marriage, etc. But there are abuses in any system. We can’t outlaw or call “abomination” just whatever we think is strange.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I would “enjoy” the polygamist lifestyle, but I can see its benefits, and I’m not sure that villainizing its members, as our society does benefits us or them. Would I discuss this with my husband? Oh, no. Don’t want that “imagination train” getting started. But, the benefits of having help raising your children, knowing the woman who would be their mother if anything happened to me, being able to have companionship during the years of having little children which can be so lonely…. I get it.
The part I DO NOT get would be the…uh… bedroom portion. Scheduling my love life? No, thank you! Having my husband checking other women out as potential mates? Nope. And, I could never dress like a pilgrim. 
As you touched on, the thing that would make me CRAZY about polygamy is that they would be dating, pondering other women, etc. WHILE MARRIED. Whenever a polygamist husband went to work, his wives would have to wonder if he was flirting and considering asking someone out, then watch him going through a romance… And they wouldn’t even have the philosophical basis for saying that it shouldn’t happen, no matter how uncomfortable it makes them. ;/ A polygamist husband may not be sexually unfaithful to his wives as a group, but to me it seems like in some sense he would be unfaithful to his wives each time he is dating a new woman. The mindset, at least, would be yucky.
Polygamy seems short-sighted on the part of the man. Can you IMAGINE trying to navigate the minefield of being married to multiple women??? I’m pretty low-maintenance for a woman, and I can tell you that Captain Awesome has his hands full.
Many of the polygamists in the OT also had extramarital affairs and probably shouldn’t be taken as a model of marriage, anyway. Still, although I don’t think the Bible strongly condemns polygamy specifically, I think the overall language and experiences of the Bible indicate that it is not optimal. If nothing else, all the examples of polygamy that I can think of in the OT turn out pretty badly. Also, the Biblical language about marriage is singular: “one man and one woman,” only one wife for deacons, rejoice with the wife of your youth, etc., and it’s pretty clear that the New Testament model of marriage is one plus one.
Bible aside, most groups of modern polygamists have some pretty crummy practices. Not all individuals are guilty of this, obviously, but polygamist groups in our country often have rampant child marriage, marriage between close relatives, marriage between a man and a pair of sisters, divorce of one man to be married to another, etc. Mormon groups, at least, have had a strong history of polyandry as well (a woman being married to more than one man simultaneously). Joseph Smith was not as profligate as some others, and he had at least 11 wives who had other husbands at the same time. This, to me, seems to miss the whole point of marriage. Although the Bible doesn’t have much to say about heavy drug use, I think we can look at the results and say that it’s not a good thing. It’s not a perfect parallel. but polygamy seems to have some pretty systemic problems as well.
Jason at Triablogue talks about this in more detail. He thinks that polygamy is Biblically unsound. http://triablogue.blogspot.com/2006/09/polygamy-is-condemned-by-scripture.html
It is the nature of how polygamy is sought that brings rise to the issues that most find offensive. There are reasons in time pasts that made such an arrangement an almost necessary thing and its undertaking was treated as such (women have not, nor do they always even now, have the ability to persue life on their own without the aid of a spouse).
On a personal level, I think polygamy would really stink – and you’re right, sometimes in the past polygamy was diffiicult to avoid on a practical level. I disagree with the religious reasons that some have for pursuing polygamy. However, I wouldn’t necessarily think that it should be illegal, if it weren’t for the potential for complete legal confusion. Public assistance (particularly welfare) is a big ol’ mess, whether polygamy is legal or not, and I’m not sure which way is worse. Also, if polygyny is legal, polyandry should be too… Could one woman be married to multiple men, and several of those men be married to multiple women, who are in turn married to… You see where I’m going with this. If we kept the current structure of our marriage law, and made polygamy legal, the legal complications would just be impossible.
My completely unresearched and off-the-cuff solution is for government to stop controlling marriages. Marriages could become a purely religious ceremony, with a class of enforceable contracts that usually go along with it (and could be required by the church). The contracts could spell out all the unpleasant details, like under what conditions a divorce (break of contract) would be granted and what would happen with the kids. For nonreligious couples, the government could administer the contract alone (like a civil ceremony). People could also enter into the contract without romantic implications, if they wanted to legally assign one other person as their next-of-kin, beneficiary, share all assets, etc.
This would also take care of the fact that, as it stands now, it’s perfectly legal to live with multiple mistresses, a’ la Hugh Hefner, without taking any legal responsibility for them or any children that may result, but not legal to do the same thing but actually make a commitment and have some accountability.
I really don’t know what to do about public assistance (single mother benefits) and polygamy.
What do y’all think?